Hello lovely readers,
Miss clumsy here. How has your week been? Enjoyed the sunny days like I did?
My week had started pretty well. I was really tired after working the Saturday shift and only having one day off. But hey! I got Kingsday off and enjoyed myself pretty well. My body decided that my sleeping pattern should be mixed up, and hey who needs a full night of sleep? Well, I did. So my body (or brain, do not know) decided that it would be fun to wake up between 4 am and 6 am every day for the last two to three weeks. Today I hit rock bottom, and woke up even before 4 am! (Okay, it was just 6 minutes..) And why do I even need to wake up at 6 am at my days off? Please, body. Explain to me. I also got a little hair update: it is the tattoo session all over again, not reading, not thinking, just do it. My hair is brown, with bright purple, bright pink, faded pink and orange at the bottom. At first it was bright purple and pink. So I thought it would be gone in 5 washes. I washed my hair with normal shampoo and conditoner 6 times since last Saturday. So, I thought I do not want to have this drama of only the top of my hair being purple and the rest would be faded out.. So I checked my favorite search machine. Oops. Yes, 15 washes! This means I will be stuck with this hair for another two weeks!
Okay, I know I am late to the party.. I am not a party girl anyways.. Okay that is not true. When I lived in Berlin and there was no lockdown. I was a party girl, I was enjoying life. And drinking. But back to what I wanted to say: I have been obsessed with this song: "Marshmello x Lil Peep - Spotlight". Maybe I should also make a colum of all the songs I put into my writing. Oh and while you're at it: "Nirvana - Smells like teen spirit" for that one I am not late to the party. Just a great song.
So here is the story of my clumsiness. I dropped my phone 5 floors. (Even when re-reading this, I am cracking up!!) There it is, I am stupid. I dropped it 5 floors !!! The worst thing is I have been laughing my ass off. My 1500 euro phone dropped 5 floors and it still works. I am laughing while writing this, because I cannot understand how clumsy I can be. (Breathing pause because of laughing) It dropped on one of those slippery laminate floors. So it bumped into a steal pole of the handle. It slid to a steal elevation (and while I was reaching for it in my mind and not actually reaching for it because it was too far away) I saw it slip in slowmotion. I heard a drop and thought it dropped one floor. So I went down and it wasn't there but at the bottom of the staircase. My colleague went to the bottom of the staircase and I was waiting because, yeah I did not care that much, I have good karma you know. So things happen, if something breaks, so be it. Until I heard my colleague saying it was broken. I ran down stairs finding out that the backside of the phone was fully broken. But, I got this super cute black rhinestone butterfly on the back, that was not broken. So, a solid butterfly.
I wouldn't be me if I was super creative. So I put some stickers on a phone case I had laying around. I'll post a photo of my amazing creation. I used the stickers that were leftover from my wall. I tried to put 700 stickers on a part of my wall, but it wasn't enough. (Let me tell you, 700 stickers in one day, that is dedication.) It covered about half of my tiny place I wanted to put stickers on. So, either I need to find a batch with a load of stickers that I would like. Or I need to dig in my mind and find something crazy but creative. Now I got the purple/pink/blue theme. And I think I should keep it that way. I actually glued it on paper and sticked the papers to my wall so my wall won't be damaged. I can be so smart sometimes. (Just joking, I am not.) Below you will find a blurry photo of my wall. My creative design of my phone case and some colorful sheets of trying out colors and effects.
And now some good news! The curfew clock thing is gone in The Netherlands since two days. And guess how many days I have been outside after 10 pm? NONE. I did not even go outside to photograph the full moon. WHO AM I? I did not photograph for a while now. And let me tell you, I have no clue what to do outside when bars are not open. And it is not my hobby to sit in the rain on a bench at some random street which is totally empty because I live in village. So, I will be waiting for the virus the calm down, get some sun, find friends. (No joking, I got some friends. Somewhere.) Most importantly, bars must open and I will have two glasses of wine, or maybe one glass of Wodka and will be hangover like crazy, because I am getting old. Things like that happen.
Thank you for reading and if you are looking for me, I will be the one crying in the corner because of my phone and my sleeping pattern. Okay, joking. Again. I think I am annoying.
Have a lovely weekend! Talk to you again in May!
Hello lovely readers,
I tried to write a piece four times but my creative mind was on a lock. It is the end of April. Which means I quit smoking for 7 almost 8 months and I have been living in The Netherlands for 9 months now. How weird is that! And how much did my life change? It is crazy to think about all what has happened 1. when I was in Berlin but 2. in The Netherlands. To be honest, when I left about three years ago, it was the goal to never live in The Netherlands again. But, I am kinda weird, I do not think about things and got home sick. It took me a few months to realize that Berlin and Germany it self, is great, it is a crazy lifestyle I must say, living around so many different people in such a big city! And now I am back in a small town, still finding my way to kind of "fit in". I know, I do not ever fit in anywhere, is there a reason we need to fit in?
Currently I am listening to "Esmee Denters - Outta here". I still remember going to the park at Brandenburger Tor in Berlin and listening to this song. I missed home so much, I kept on listening to my Dutch playlist. This song was one I played a lot, it reminded me of a good time at home. And next to that I had the beauty of the park in Berlin. Oh wow, I really miss going places and seeing random strangers. When listening to my Dutch playlist, I always did some crazy little dance and everyone was looking at me like I was insane for dancing in a park, by myself. Or maybe it was just the feeling i had, because dancing in a park while people are walking around is not known as "usual".
Okay, so this is what is up. I dyed my hair. And now it is purple with pink and a bit brown. Swipe to right at the home page, you will see my freshly pink hair. Still not sure how to feel with pink / purple hair. It should have been a dark violet but instead it turned pink and with my baby hairs it is bright purple. It has been at least 12 years since I dyed my hair pink. Shocker! I am getting old. I needed to bleach my hair first, and now I burned my scalp. Not my brightest moment, you could say. I has been worse. I can handle some burns.
Today it is Kingsday in The Netherlands. Normally this means, friends, music, drinks, snacks and a lot of orange! And when I say orange, I am talking about the color orange. The color of the last name of an early King. Now what does is mean during the virus time? It means orange snacks in stead of orange clothes (to be honest, I do not own any orange clothing pieces, I cannot stand the colors orange and yellow. What does Yellow have to do with this? Nothing.). It also means a day off. I was really happy to be able to sleep in for once. My body thought differently, at 6:30 am I was ready and awaken like a bird flying to the sun. At the moment the church bells are going crazy. I think they will go on for another 10 minutes.
Is it just me or is it really hard to find a good show on our list of apps lately. I feel like I do not watch TV anymore, so I went to "the apps". And now that is not interesting anymore, so I went to YouTube. I got a steady list of YouTubers and things to watch but I just miss this refreshment in a kind of way. When all the apps released I was so excited and I wanted to watch everything. Lately I do not find good movies or series. i just keep rewatching the same movies and series.
I think I watched "To all the boys I've loved before" at least 12 times now. I watched part 1 & 2 & 3 together, also about three times. Usually I forget how a movies goes or series, I just forget. There is not enough space to remember all the movies and series I saw in my life. It is like all my memories are going through a sieve. The most important ones stay, the less important ones get excluded.
Have a nice week!
Your Berliner girl 🧡
Hello lovely readers,
I changed the lay-out color of this website and my photography website and guess what?! I also added a subdomain to both websites! So the "in a few weeks" from the last post was actually one day.
When you add a subdomain to an excisting domain, it will take over all the data of the website, only the domain name will change. You will have both names active, but it is easier for people to find you. At least in my case, since all my social media goes with BERLIJNSEMEID I did change my photography website to that name. I took the english version of it for my blog, since I write in English. I am not as stupid as I look, please remember that.
Okay, talking about colors, I jumped into something. Why do we people need to have an explanaition for everything? For pink, blue, grey, white or even purple. Why do you have a favorite color and why doesn't your friend have a favorite color? But the main question is, does your taste of favorite color change? Of do you keep having the same favorite color for the rest of your life. Seems long, the rest of your life. For some people it isn't. For me "the rest of your life" sounds terribly long.
I went online to my favorite place to look for my stupid questions: Can your opinion about your favorite color change. Answer: Yes, it is totally normal. And I was thinking I was crazy to ask this. I am the girl who looks up how your fish will like you, or do tricks. Because they did not like me. I had 10 super cute fishies in a mega big aquarium, with cute stones, some air, some nice plants and even a castle! They were the kings and queens of the kingdom? Aquarium? Berlin? Maybe apartment. At least they were well taken care of and I wanted to know why they always hated me when I cleaned the aquarium. Okay, we are slipping off here. Back to the change of my favorite color. When I was younger it was always Pink. And now it slightly changed to Purple. And as there is not much of change, there is a change and every color has so many varieties. I learned (online) that the different shades of a color, each have their own meaning.
If there is a drastic change going on in your life, you can change your taste too. So that could also be the taste of your favorite color. If you feel more drawn to another color for your favorite color this can mean adulthood. So, this means I am becoming an adult and do not act like a kid anymore. Well, I am 30 in two years, so better late than never.
Light purple (lilac, I guess?): light-hearted but romantic energies. While the darker shades of purple can show: sadness and frustration. Purple means, wisdom, strenght, power, creativity, magic and many more. While pink is similar but more to the heart. Pink is love, for yourself and others. Affection, harmony, inner peace, sugar, friendships, barbie and many more. So many meanings of something that I am not. I can find myself in creativity and sometimes sadness. But the affection, harmony and inner peace? Not so much. And for sugar? I got enough Corona-weight.
There are so many colors and so many meanings. There might be 100 meanings for the color of purple. Maybe we want so much more from life. We want so much that we need a meaning of everything, just to keep going on. For example: How many people like their job? And I do not mean, I like the payment or whatever. But how many of you, did decide, I want this job, it does not matter how much it pays, but it makes me happy. How many people in life can live free. The ones who wake up in the morning and are actually excited to go work and be at work for at least 8 hours. Is that the color of motivation? The color of happiness or the color of betrayal?
I got a little more insight of the colors. For example: pink is a calming color and is used in some prisons and health care institutions. Blue is the color of inner peace. Green in the color of loyality. These are just some examples, just look up any website and you will find different meanings but when they come together, they all have the same meaning. White seems to be the safest color. But what happened with the saying, buy a white one, being stuck with a white one? Whever you buy a white car, scooter, bike etc. People do not want to buy it, or at least it will go slowlier than other colors since it is dirty easily. At least it is safe. White also means: innocence, honesty, fresh, young, modern and many more! But ofcourse that is the look for the outside world, it does not mean that you are fresh and young when you drive a white car in your 70's. At least it is the most neutral color we know.
Usually colors have a lot of meaning to us and the acceptance of other towards us. Colors can also trigger emotions and memories. And here is another random fact about a color: Pantone 448 C is referred as the ugliest color and is described as drab dark brown. While red is the most attractive color to many, since it sends signs of dominance and status. This, in our minds seems to attract because it stands for leadership.
I hope you also enjoyed the ride of colors! And I wish you a nice weekend!
Your Berliner girl
Hello lovely readers,
April is the month of writing for me. Last monday I uploaded my video on Youtube and I decided to edit with Adobe premiere pro 2021. It worked well, of course it took a while to understand the basics to edit. I am not good at editing and I guess I will never be. But that is okay. I got through 27 years of being average at everything. You could say I score average at life. In a few weeks the name of this website will also change, same for my photography website. I am going to change the domain. katharinaluna -> berliner girl | cindyhilhorst -> berlijnsemeid. I already bought the domains, they are not activated yet, but I do not know if I bought the right package. Because you can buy a domain but you can also have the option of a sitebuilder. I am not sure if that is included for a subdomain.
Music update obsession of the day: Dinand - The Highest Of All. This is the mood of the day. Fun and energetic. 1744.
And we are back with music Thursday! This is going to be a monthly blog item. Music Thursday is where I select lyrics written by me when I was around 18 years old and I combine it into a great text. In the right corner you will find "Music Thursday" where I will combine all the music Thursday items.
"It is rough being here at this moment, sitting here because my doctor told me so.
Seeing all the laughter without a smile. Anxiety because I locked myself up. How much longer could I hide.
Why is this all so difficult. I want so much more. Can't deal with the pain, it is killing me from the inside.
Will it ever stop? Within this body, within my mind? Please doctor, help me. Am I a fallen angel with broken wings? All I want to do is escape.
A secret, never tell. Afraid to tell. Forgot to tell.
I got so much to say, my mind does not know the way. Over reacted or over protected?
The rythm is gone.Let it be over and tell me, this is a nightmare.
We are not survivors, we are ment to stay. Not together but in any other way.
How do you breathe when you are trapped in your own mind?
How do you escape from your own thoughts?
And please tell me, why does no one see?
While fighting, I bounce back. As poison in my veins, it is never enough.
Toxic words, dissapointing memories. How do you heal someone who is broken?
Chapters in books, episodes of series, parts of movies. Where does it end?
Where do I end? Run, leave. Never return.
All the laughter, all the tears. I wish it could be real. My mind is turning darker each day. My heart that was beating red, feels a little dead."
Your Berliner girl.
Hello lovely readers,
How has your week been so far? For now, I am just adjusting to having a "real" keyboard. I keep clicking on the wrong key every minute, especially damn capslock.. As for now it is weekend and the monitor for my PC finally arrived. I think I got a ripped off deal from somewhere, but it fine.. Tomorrow I will receive the right cables to connect the monitor to my pc and I think I have a sound system laying around somewhere.
I saved up so much stuff in the months. When I lived in Germany, I think ever since I moved into the second house, I had just enough stuff to run when I wanted to. It is not a drastic thing like "Oyh, this person was mean, I am going to take my stuff and leave." Nope, that is not how we work. We fight through basically everything, except for being homesick and the C-virus. And hay-fever.. Pfft. My eyes are so dry and itchy at the moment. Ok.. That was not the point tried to make. I was living in a 15m2 room and didn't have much space, I also knew it was going to be temporarily.
Let me take you back to the story of moving in 2019/2020. I contacted the renting agency in December 2019. My contract would end in March and I wanted to be sure to have a roof over my head. Housing in Berlin is a freaking madness. You are overpaying, getting super small rooms and usually you are living with up to 10 persons in ONE house. So, I didn't set my standards very high according the housing. Even though I was freaking out because I wanted to stay there and no way I wanted to move. First week of February 2020: the nightmare came true.. The agency could not offer me another contract, ooh I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a Sunday, which was instantly ruined by my crazy mind, thinking I would need to live under a bridge in Berlin next to some drugsdealers.
Within 30 minutes I found a new place and payed for it. This girl likes to handle it quickly. I found a place of 12m2, I was going to live in an international student place together with 9 others. I was not amused, I was not into it, but a little more than the thought of living under a bridge. I think it was like 500 euro a month or something. I do not remember. I could move in two weeks after getting the place. I packed all my stuff and took a week of from work so I could move. Funny thing, needed to move by public transport since I do not have a drivers licence.
Two weeks passed by and I was going to move on Wednesday. The Sunday before I got a call, C-virus kicked in. The new renting agency called me to tell that the house I was going to move to, was not available at the moment because the C-virus was amongst a few of my flatmates. No one could enter or leave the building. They wanted to make sure that I still wanted to move. I told them they could re-locate me. The place I payed for was in Spandau, but I told them I actually wanted to live in Charlottenburg of Westend because of work.
The agency found me a place in Charlottenburg and it was lovely. I moved from Kaiserdamm, Charlottenburg to Richard-Wagner-Platz also in Charlottenburg. Got some muscles because of the moving. At Kaiserdamm I was living next to the U-bahn (public transport) but at Richard-Wagner-Platz I wasn't. It was about 5-7 minutes walking. Which feels a lot more when you are carrying half of your closet. I traded my double bed, a balcony and 5 great people in for a roof over my head, a single bed but two great flatmates! I never went to Spandau, I stayed here until I went back to The Netherlands. I consider myself really lucky about this move.
The day I was completely moved in and it was about two days before I needed to return the key to the "old" renting agency.. I got a lovely email. They told me I could stay!! Awesome. There was a moment. a very brief moment, of maybe 20 seconds, that I wanted to move back everything. But the email said until further notice and they were talking about the C-virus and when it was/is over they would kick me out anyways so I didn't do it. I think no one knew in what shape the world would be because of the C-virus and how long it would take to heal.
I grew some muscles. I got some stress. Told myself to NEVER ever again move by public transport. Yes, I did not have a choice. That is it for story time.
Liebe Grüßen and have a lovely weekend!
Your Berliner girl.
Hello lovely readers,
How has your Easter been? My Easter days were amazing, still don't get why we celebrate the death of Jesus, but aside of that part I enjoyed the easter eggs, the chocolate ones. As for now I am not writing by laptop anymore, I got a PC now. And I could not be happier than this. Okay, that is a lie, I could be happier. For example when Corona is gone and I could travel again. I was scrolling through the photo's I took while living in Germany. Who would have thought that when I moved back to The Netherlands in July 2020, I would not be able to travel to my second home for at least 9 months. Whoah!! I have been living here for 9 months, realisation is kicking in.
Another subject: Winter Glow tea is something else, never had something like that before. It is awesome.
Last weekend I edited my new video but unfortunately I cannot upload it. I wanted to upload it so bad, because it turned out pretty well. The editing was better than I had ever done. I edited my video of being in Harderwijk and Amsterdam, by Sony Vegas Pro 18 free trial. Unfortunately after 6 hours (!!) of editing, I found out I could only transfer the file with .veg and I need ,mp4 or MOV to upload it on YouTube. I could buy the licence. But, there is the thing you need to pay by creditcard and I do not have a creditcard. So, either I should get a creditcard or leave this video and find another editing programm. Which is my least favorite option.
UPDATE: Remember the tattoo's from above? Next to it being my most watched video on youtube, the tattoos are almost gone after 3 WEEKS. I just wanted to see how I would look with arms full of tattoos. Which I did and I did not like it as much as I thought. I liked it very well the first one or two days. But after those days it felt so dark, so un-me. Don't get me wrong, I like it on other people, but for this point in my life, it was just not for me. But I did feel like a badass- bitch with those fake tattoos from a sketchy store out of China. The next thing I want to do is to get a septum. I wanted this for a very long time, but was always afraid to do it, to be honest, I still am. But at some point I should do it. If I do not like the piercing, I could just take it out.
Liebe Grüßen and have a lovely week!
Your Berliner girl.
Hello lovely readers,
How are you doing? Time goes so fast, even in COVID time. As Leo Tolstoy said: "The two most powerful warriors are patience and time." And that being said, my holiday is almost over. Out of 6 days I got two left. To be honest I'd rather have six weeks left. It is not that I do not want to work it is just that I am bummed with the lockdown and curfew. I just saw a chunky bee online. I adore chunky bee's.
Last week I went to Harderwijk and I took my camera with me. There was a little beach and I took a lot of photo's there. It was beautiful. There were some birds there and they would sit still while I was making a photo and when done they would move. Normally it is a place with a lot of tourists and now they were minding their own business and they were not being run after by some kids. Ofcourse I only got a small impression on Harderwijk, but so far I really liked it.
After going to Harderwijk I went to Amsterdam, Schiphol because I booked a room in the Raddison Blu hotel It was a nice room but there was so much dust in the room, which caused that I did not sleep at all and that my eyes are hurting. ... And the bed was also not that comfortable. But I must say the hotel is beautiful!
And I (finally!) bought some parts to build my own PC. So, in a few weeks I won't be editing in windows editor anymore. That makes me really happy! It will take some time before I have my complete set up, but it is getting there!
Check out my photos @ www.berlijnsemeid.com
See you soon!
Liebe Grüßen and a Happy Easter! 🥚🐰🐣
Your Berliner girl.